Funny… who me?

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha 

by michelle w. on August 26, 2013

Do you consider yourself funny? What role does humor play in your life? Who’s the funniest person you know?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CLEVER.

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No, I’m not funny…

Clever- The mechanic at my local cycling shop is very clever. He has fixed my mountain bike this morning… Image

So sorry- while you guys are looking for a laugh, I am having a very sad morning.

Sad, because on 11 March this year I was still fit enough to do the Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Race, my 19th consecutive one. (109 km around Table Mountain, Cape Town)  And since then, I did not touch my bicycles… except to move them when the room needed vacuum cleaning.

Since then, my 3 sons did touch my bicycles, in an inappropriate manner.

I needed to buy a new seat. It just does not do to cycle without a seat. Some people might get by with just a seat post, but I would find that to be a pain in the *ss…

I also needed to have two new tubes put in… the youngest thought it is much better taking dad’s bicycle through the thorns on the dirt track than his…

I need a new tube bag, a new spare tube, two new tire levers, a new small pump, a new computer (somehow one of them thought they would investigate what happens when you snip the sensor’s wire…)

I also need a new multitool with all the allan keys in it- somehow not one of the 999 in the house comes to light.

The mountain bike is now nearly ready for a new season. Spring starts officially on Sunday. But winter in our town was only on 18 July this year anyway…

Am I ready… no!

I very politely asked my church’s ladies to stop feeding me cake and pie at every chance they get. I am allergic to cake and pie. It made me swell up over the winter, I now carry more than a sheep’s weight too much on my bulky frame, and it has got to go…  I am also extremely allergic to beer, it makes me swell up even faster than cake. But somehow, every Friday evening, when I light my barbeque fire- there is a beer or three in the fridge… If I do not address them properly, my sons will. Underaged drinking is a huge problem in South Africa.  And that leads to many other problems. It is even reported from the maternity ward that boys just will not leave the breasts alone…

So… I am a bit overweight at the moment. I have 6 months time to get ready for the next Argus, on 9 March 2014.  How do you start a new season of cycling from zero? I am in deep trouble.  My young colleague and his fiancé want to ride with me. There is another problem- she races professionally! She really weighs less than half of me! I am no prophet, but I see a lot of hurt in my immediate future, starting at my south pole…

I do not know how to begin training for this year.  I am in trouble. And prayer alone does not help… somehow I need to put ass to seat and take the hurt…

Whatever your religion or lack thereof- please pray for me, or send good thoughts into the universe…

Professional cyclists- go away. Reasonably fit cyclists, please leave advise of a positive nature. Lance’s doctor, please send some liquid fitness in a bottle.  Couch potatoes, get off your lazy bums and start training….

Have I left anyone out?

Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Tour 2014- Kilo’s trained: 0.00

Weight lost for the Argus: 0.00

Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Race Website: http://www.cycletour.co.za/

Overweight? Me?

I am the skinny one on the right...

I am the skinny one on the right…

To be (a fan), or not to be, that is the question…

Daily Prompt: Fandom

by michelle w. on July 11, 2013

Are you a sports fan? Tell us about fandom. If you’re not, tell us why not.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us SPORTS.

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photo: spikesandheels.com

My wife and I, we were huge Lance Armstrong fans. As the world’s slowest cyclist, I had a huge admiration for the world’s fastest… We read all his books- It’s not about the bike (we did not know how right that title was), every second count… and some photobooks about his life. I really would not believe that he could be doping, given the beautiful story of his battle against cancer, his victory over the dreaded disease, and his comeback. In my world that is being given a second chance in life, something to grab onto. and make the most of your life. I was a huge believer in his innocence, until he admitted all on Oprah.  I was shocked beyond belief. I still did not delete his profiles on twitter or facebook page. I also live in a world of grace, where people do get second and third and fourth chances to make right.  But I have learned a lesson: all people are vulnerable. Every human has his flaws and weaknesses.  No one stands on the top of a mountain forever.

tennisfeminin.com

Yes, I still am a fan of a lot of sportsmen and -women. Like some saw- I really believed in Sabine Lisicki’s chance to win Wimbledon 2013. But I was wrong. Marion Bartoli proved otherwise, and showed huge character in the way she handled that rude dude from the BBC…

Oscar Pistorius- photo http://www.guardian.co.uk

We South Africans are a very competitive nation, as the Aussies and Kiwi’s will also testify. We hate to lose! And that is why any sportsman who do something wrong, is such a big disaster for us.  I was a huge Oscar Pistorius fan. And then he went and shot his girlfriend.

I am a huge Blue Bulls rugby fan– the Rugby Union team from the Northern parts of South Africa. But the bigger the fan, the harder the fall- last weekend the Bulls have narrowly beaten the Sharks by 20-19.  How could they lose so much momentum in one season?  Most Americans have no idea what I am rambling on about- just think of the Cubs versus the Socks or whatever- then you’ll probably have a spark of recognition… when your team loses or nearly draws against another strong team, your nerves are shot.  The Blue Bulls fans are fanatical indeed. Some guys paint their houses turquoise, drive around in blue cars with plastic bulls testicles dangling from the car’s trailer hook. They wear blue plastic safety helmets with bulls horns attached, sometimes with bulls nose rings pierced through their nostrils.  They gather around to worship on the hallowed grounds of Loftus, in the shadow of Pretoria University. They live by the credo: Stay True to the Blue… Like this guy:

The most famous of all the Blue Bulls fans- image from http://www.sport24.co.za

I am a huge cricket fan too. I love to be alongside the field of play. But our national side, the Proteas can really work on our nerves- sometimes they are the best team in the world, and in the very next game they become chokers and loses against much weaker nations… It takes a lot of beer to feel better about it…

A.B de Villiers in flight mode- photo http://www.dailymaverick.co.za

The problem of being too attached to a sportsman/ woman/ team is that we forget they are only human too. They also have their bad days, only much more in the public eye than my bad days.  Things also goes wrong for them. They also get criticised a lot, sometimes by the big networks’ commentators who also is has-beens or never-beens…

We are very tough on our sports heroes. Some fans are really obsessed. I think that could be dangerous (like Robert de Niro’s The Fan movie…)

So relax, it is just a game! Even if your hero gets paid millions… a month.

We can forgive sportsmen and women their mistakes, just do not go and shoot pretty girls in your bathroom  like Oscar!