Funny… who me?

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha 

by michelle w. on August 26, 2013

Do you consider yourself funny? What role does humor play in your life? Who’s the funniest person you know?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CLEVER.

_______________________________________________.

No, I’m not funny…

Clever- The mechanic at my local cycling shop is very clever. He has fixed my mountain bike this morning… 

So sorry- while you guys are looking for a laugh, I am having a very sad morning.

Sad, because on 11 March this year I was still fit enough to do the Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Race, my 19th consecutive one. (109 km around Table Mountain, Cape Town)  And since then, I did not touch my bicycles… except to move them when the room needed vacuum cleaning.

Since then, my 3 sons did touch my bicycles, in an inappropriate manner.

I needed to buy a new seat. It just does not do to cycle without a seat. Some people might get by with just a seat post, but I would find that to be a pain in the *ss…

I also needed to have two new tubes put in… the youngest thought it is much better taking dad’s bicycle through the thorns on the dirt track than his…

I need a new tube bag, a new spare tube, two new tire levers, a new small pump, a new computer (somehow one of them thought they would investigate what happens when you snip the sensor’s wire…)

I also need a new multitool with all the allan keys in it- somehow not one of the 999 in the house comes to light.

The mountain bike is now nearly ready for a new season. Spring starts officially on Sunday. But winter in our town was only on 18 July this year anyway…

Am I ready… no!

I very politely asked my church’s ladies to stop feeding me cake and pie at every chance they get. I am allergic to cake and pie. It made me swell up over the winter, I now carry more than a sheep’s weight too much on my bulky frame, and it has got to go…  I am also extremely allergic to beer, it makes me swell up even faster than cake. But somehow, every Friday evening, when I light my barbeque fire- there is a beer or three in the fridge… If I do not address them properly, my sons will. Underaged drinking is a huge problem in South Africa.  And that leads to many other problems. It is even reported from the maternity ward that boys just will not leave the breasts alone…

So… I am a bit overweight at the moment. I have 6 months time to get ready for the next Argus, on 9 March 2014.  How do you start a new season of cycling from zero? I am in deep trouble.  My young colleague and his fiancé want to ride with me. There is another problem- she races professionally! She really weighs less than half of me! I am no prophet, but I see a lot of hurt in my immediate future, starting at my south pole…

I do not know how to begin training for this year.  I am in trouble. And prayer alone does not help… somehow I need to put ass to seat and take the hurt…

Whatever your religion or lack thereof- please pray for me, or send good thoughts into the universe…

Professional cyclists- go away. Reasonably fit cyclists, please leave advise of a positive nature. Lance’s doctor, please send some liquid fitness in a bottle.  Couch potatoes, get off your lazy bums and start training….

Have I left anyone out?

Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Tour 2014- Kilo’s trained: 0.00

Weight lost for the Argus: 0.00

Pick ‘n Pay Argus Cycle Race Website: http://www.cycletour.co.za/

Overweight? Me?

I am the skinny one on the right…